This post was inspired by Charisma On Command

The fear of being lonely is something which has scared me for years – I really did not know the extent of it until I was truly on my own a few months ago.

I was so dependent on my friends and my relationship that deep inside I became scared of not having them anymore – this bred all sorts of insecurities and resulted in me always seeking approval from them.

Now I’ve come to realise that it really is important to be comfortable and happy as you are – every individual needs to be complete.

Think of it this way: your emotional state is a cup. Before my cup was half full, and my friends and then-girlfriend completed the cup. The problem with this is people are going to come and go in life. The only thing you’re going to have forever is you. Relying on others does not allow you to truly be you, as you will constantly be trying to shape yourself for their approval.

Instead, your cup should already be full, and other social interactions from friends and family should overflow the cup. You should be completely comfortable and complete already, and your relationships with friends and family should be an add-on, and not a necessity.

To combat my fear I took quite a shrude step – after I broke with my ex I was originally going to try to keep in contact, but once I realised the severity of my issues I had to take some important actions, which resulted in me just blocking her out of my life – I forced myself not to try and talk to her, hid her from my Facebook messenger, and hid all her and her friends photos from my timeline – I know, it seems a bit extreme… But whenever I saw anyting to do with her I just felt my heart beat faster and I got shivers, and knew some radical action was needed.

The bigger step I made was to stop talking to my childhood friends for over a month – again I was just heavily dependent on them and needed to take a break from them so I will truly officially be alone, and I could go about dealing with it.

I started my battle by just going to restaurants and cafes alone to just do some work or enjoy a meal – why do I need to be with someone to enjoy a meal? It is for my pleasure and I should be enjoying it regardless.

I also started to work on my eye contact, and not to quickly turn my head away when I met eyes with someone – part of learning to be alone without being lonely is the ability to know that you have the option to socialise and make friends – I believe social interaction is still very important, which is why I made an effort just to smile with random people and build up the courage to go up and chat to people e.g. there was this guy at the calisthenics park with an amazing top, so I approached him and asked him where he got it from. Litte things like this have slowly helped me become more confident and secure with myself, which is an invaluable asset to have in life.

Don’t be scared to be alone, there is nothing wrong with it, and it can significantly help you develop your Invincible Mentality if thought about in a positive way!

-Mike

Like, share and comment!